I always argued that looking back and judging past decisions is a harmful endeavor. First of all, we didn’t know then what we know now. So either we are happy with the outcome, and then there is not much point in looking back, or we are unhappy, then we are just beating ourselves up about something that we can’t change.
Let’s take Joe’s example:
Monday: After work, Joe decides to take the rest of the week off.
Tuesday: He spends a nice day fishing at a lake
Wednesday: On the way to the movies, his and the car next to him get damaged by a motorcycle.
Thursday: He calls the woman in the other car to team up on the damage claims. He finds her quite nice.
Friday one week later: The two of them go on a date and get along very well.
If you asked Joe on Tuesday evening whether his decision to take a break was a good one, he would likely have said yes. On Wednesday, he may have thought otherwise. On that Friday one week later, on the other hand…
Well, if the two of them end up marrying, the chances are good that he’ll recount that one fateful Monday evening when he made the smart decision to take a couple of days off. However, if they divorce eight years later, the picture changes again.
So you see, decisions are sometimes only as good as how you feel at the moment when you look back at them. If there was objectively no indication on Monday evening that taking a few days off may have negative consequences, then it’s irrational to call it a wrong decision only because something randomly bad happens that may not have otherwise.
But then, how do we learn from our mistakes?
That’s the part where I changed my mind. At least for myself, I can say that some decisions, regardless of the outcome, were risky, made in a hurry, maybe based on a hunch, an unfounded “positive feeling,” maybe out of fear, or even worse, made out of convenience or laziness, not wanting to put more thought into the decision. These decisions stand out, screaming, poking my unconscious, regardless of how much I want to ignore them because “I don’t look back and I don’t have any regrets. Ever.”
Well, there were moments of incredibly bad judgement that turned out ok, and some that seemed reversible, easy decisions that turned out to be life changing. These decisions can’t be judged on a binary good/bad scale because life is just so complicated. So incredibly complicated.
I learned the hard way that there is worth in realizing when decisions affect more than just the moment and concern more people than just me. Now I feel the weight of potential future consequences and hope I have become mindful enough to decide for the right reasons.